One of the responsibilities of being a celestial wife of Lehi Cluff was for me to open myself to him physically. It was my obligation, my duty, my role. And I had accepted it.

But I knew something was wrong with me, something that kept me from enjoying our time together as much as he clearly enjoyed it. Rebecca said that Burt always gave her pleasure in her private areas. She called it a “release.” I’d never found a release, not once. When Lehi was inside me, I didn’t feel the pleasure that Rebecca had told me about. I didn’t feel a buildup of sensations or an eruption of pleasure. Every time he pushed himself inside me, I wondered what to do to make that happen. But I had no idea, which made it all the more clear that I was the problem.

“Maybe that did it.” Lehi rubbed the back of his neck. He was, of course, referring to the fact that we’d been married three years and I hadn’t yet become pregnant, despite our regular intercourse. There was a reason for that, but it was a reason that he could never know about.

“Maybe,” I said with a forced smile, and pulled the sheets up to cover my bare breasts.

“Perhaps Leandra can switch the calendar. I know it’s best for us to be together when you’re ovulating.”

“I know, and I am . . . right now, in fact,” I lied.

“You are?” His face lit up slightly and I nodded, lying again.

The only acceptable reason for sex between two people in our church was for procreation. And after three years, I still hadn’t given him what was expected of me. Obviously the problem did not lie with Lehi. He had twenty-five children with the six wives who came before me. It was me. I was the problem.

But I simply wasn’t ready. Something was holding me back.

“That would truly be a blessing,” Lehi said over his shoulder as he pulled his boxer shorts back on.

“Yes,” I said.

“Please keep me posted. You should know in a few weeks, right?”

Considering how many children Lehi had already fathered, he knew very little about a woman’s cycle. Perhaps it was because he switched bedrooms every night. Or maybe it was because there were many months that two or even three of his wives were all pregnant at the same time, one further along than the next. It must have been hard to keep up, especially considering that sex between a pregnant woman and her husband was forbidden. They’d succeeded in creating a life. Sex was no longer deemed necessary or appropriate once a woman had conceived. Once the baby is born, though, it was business as usual.

A little note from Melissa…..

Why I wrote this story…

Quite a few people have asked me why I decided to write this story— why I chose this subject matter instead of writing another light romance like the “Love of my Life” series.  For some, this book seems out of character for a “Melissa Brown book.” The best answer I can give is that I just had to. I’ve been fascinated by this lifestyle for years, unable to wrap my brain around how a woman could share her husband.  

The idea for Brinley’s story came to me over a year ago, and it stuck with me. I kept seeing the characters in my head and I knew that eventually I had to tell her story.  Whenever I shared my idea with friends, they were intrigued. I think we’re all drawn to taboo subjects such as polygamy. We’re curious about those who live their lives so differently than we live our own. I’ve read several autobiographies from those who have left polygamous compounds, and have been fascinated. For everything I learned, I wanted to learn more. So, I watched documentaries, read more, devoured all of the information that I could. If I was going to tackle this topic, I knew that I had to be accurate. 

For my readers who have enjoyed my contemporary romance novels, I hope you will give this one a try, as well. It’s different—that’s true. It’s a little darker, it pushes boundaries in a way that my other books have not. But, as a writer, this excites me. I want to continue to push myself as my career continues.  I am not finished with light romance, but I’ve really enjoyed pushing myself in this way. And for that reason, this book has become my very favorite of anything I’ve written. And I promise, within the darkness there is still hope in this story.  I can’t completely abandon my inner optimist.

Thank you for reading!